What is this?

QU'EST-CE QUE C'EST? ***WHAT IS THIS?***CHTO ETO?

Welcome to At the Ruins (by Shirley B. Trew), the generic phrasebook-cum-novel introduced by the dear Professor Emeritus Jacques Roundabout in the blog at-the-ruins.blogspot.com.

Here, the Conventional/Traditional novel form is used, just the way Charles Dickens's work (originally a 19th. c. blog of the era) is now packaged in fat books.

Read Professor Roundabout's Foreword, then plunge into the phrasebook novel. Uh, novel phrasebook.

Just read Post #1, then Post #2, and so on. At the bottom of each page, CLICK OLDER POSTS. Don't worry, you'll catch on eventually.

Contact me at sbtrew@gmail.com

P.S. THE FOREWORD SETS UP THE PREMISE; YA GOTTA READ IT.


FOREWORD, by Professor Jacques Roundabout


Often, people travel in pairs. One has common sense, the other speaks a little of the language. One is obsessed with maps, the other with native costumes. One is into photography, the other, shopping. One keeps an eye out for food, the other, ruins.

Here, finally, is the perfect travel phrasebook for both of them.

The problem with so many well-intentioned travelers' phrasebooks is that they're written in two languages, when in fact travelers most often find themselves juggling three or four at least as they seek stimulation and adventure around the world, and directions on how to find a bathroom.

But hardly anybody can handle three or four languages, and most Americans can't even handle two.

Besides, when the natives offer to sell you things, ask you questions, or even give you directions, they speak in their own language, with their own accents, and at normal speed. So even if your phrasebook has all the answers in it, everything will happen too fast for you to be able to translate and understand what they've said.

This first generic phrasebook skips over the frustration and gets right to the essence of your travel experience.

At long last, here is a traveler's phrasebook that translates all the phrases that you are likely to use, need, or hear into one language--good old American English. For the first time, you can finally grasp the essence of your travel experience.

Bon voyage! Oops--Good Trip!

J.R., Timbuktu

Wednesday, September 26, 2012


POST #11—LOCAL TRANSPORTATION—CAR RENTAL, TAXI, BUS

Where can I rent a car?
I think he's pointing to the shop next to the food cart.
But this is a jewelry shop.
I think it's an herb shop.
Ask him about renting a car.
He says yes, yes, yes. He's very happy to see us.
I think he's the brother of the guy we asked.
I don't see any cars around here.
I think he's saying he can get one in half an hour.
Maybe that was the price.
He's asking for a credit card. What are all these papers?
This looks too complicated for me.
Do you have an international driver's license?
Tell him we're diplomats.
No, tell him we're journalists.
What is he doing with your credit card?
Aren't there too may zeroes here?
Be sure to get a receipt.

The taxis look like pizza delivery cars.
He talks too fast.
Ask him to speak more slowly, please.
This taxi smells like a pizza delivery car.
Do you know where he's going?
Tell him again where we want to go.
The meter is broken.
Ask him why we are on this bridge.
He says this bridge was named after their Great Leader.
Isn't the museum/consulate on this side of the river?
Show him that little paper with the address on it.
Tell him we want to get out.
How do you say, stop, please?
I think he's saying we're almost there.
Is he taking us to his family's hotel?
This part of the city isn't on our map.
Is that man a policeman/soldier/militia/priest?

Where is the bus stop?
Is this the bus stop?
Does the bus stop here?
Does the bus go by here?
There's a group of people, they must be waiting for the bus, too.
They're carrying chickens with them. Maybe it's the wrong bus.
What color is the bus to the main plaza?
When does it come?
He's saying something with numbers in it.
Is that how much it costs?
Is that the number of the bus?
Is that the next time it comes?
He's trying to sell you some postcards.
Put your American money away.
Here come three buses.
Grab your camera and have your bongoes ready.
They're all full.
OK we'll wait for some people to get off.
More people are getting on.
The ones with the chickens are climbing onto the roof.
We'll catch the next bus.
I think we need to have some tickets.
Does anybody here speak English?
Is that man a policeman/sanitation worker/customs inspector/militia?
Quick, toss me your bag and get on.
Isn't the bus full enough? Is he stopping to pick up more people?
Can we get four people in this seat?
Can you see out the window? Can you see where we are?
Do you think our bags are still on the roof?
I didn't think you could get 200 people into an old school bus.
When that lady with the red plastic basket gets off we can take her seat.
Do you still have both tickets?
How much did they cost, finally?
I don't know-- millions of bongoes.
Is three million bongoes a lot?
Can you see out the window?
So how will we know when we get there?
How will we get to a door, anyway?
Should we stand next to a door so we don't miss our stop?

I don't think so. It looks like that area is reserved for people with chickens.
Is this the local bus to the main/central bus station?
It only costs eighty bongoes?
It costs eighty bongoes apiece.

That's great-- we paid five million bongoes to that darn taxi driver who dropped us off at that luxury hotel.
Yeah, using local buses instead of taxis is the way to go.
Do you remember exactly where the bus station was?
Is that it over there?
Was that it back there?
We're turning the wrong direction.
Do you think he's going back?
How do you say, please stop now?
Can we get off here before he gets to the highway?
Just get off the next time he stops.
Maybe if we stay on long enough he'll pass the station again.
Maybe there's a bus going back the other way.
Is this the bus station? This isn't the bus station we arrived at.

Is there another bus station in this town? How many bus stations are there in this town?
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