What is this?

QU'EST-CE QUE C'EST? ***WHAT IS THIS?***CHTO ETO?

Welcome to At the Ruins (by Shirley B. Trew), the generic phrasebook-cum-novel introduced by the dear Professor Emeritus Jacques Roundabout in the blog at-the-ruins.blogspot.com.

Here, the Conventional/Traditional novel form is used, just the way Charles Dickens's work (originally a 19th. c. blog of the era) is now packaged in fat books.

Read Professor Roundabout's Foreword, then plunge into the phrasebook novel. Uh, novel phrasebook.

Just read Post #1, then Post #2, and so on. At the bottom of each page, CLICK OLDER POSTS. Don't worry, you'll catch on eventually.

Contact me at sbtrew@gmail.com

P.S. THE FOREWORD SETS UP THE PREMISE; YA GOTTA READ IT.


FOREWORD, by Professor Jacques Roundabout


Often, people travel in pairs. One has common sense, the other speaks a little of the language. One is obsessed with maps, the other with native costumes. One is into photography, the other, shopping. One keeps an eye out for food, the other, ruins.

Here, finally, is the perfect travel phrasebook for both of them.

The problem with so many well-intentioned travelers' phrasebooks is that they're written in two languages, when in fact travelers most often find themselves juggling three or four at least as they seek stimulation and adventure around the world, and directions on how to find a bathroom.

But hardly anybody can handle three or four languages, and most Americans can't even handle two.

Besides, when the natives offer to sell you things, ask you questions, or even give you directions, they speak in their own language, with their own accents, and at normal speed. So even if your phrasebook has all the answers in it, everything will happen too fast for you to be able to translate and understand what they've said.

This first generic phrasebook skips over the frustration and gets right to the essence of your travel experience.

At long last, here is a traveler's phrasebook that translates all the phrases that you are likely to use, need, or hear into one language--good old American English. For the first time, you can finally grasp the essence of your travel experience.

Bon voyage! Oops--Good Trip!

J.R., Timbuktu

Wednesday, September 26, 2012


POST #33—THE TOURIST HIERARCHY

Oh, you're only here for two hours?
         We're here for the whole day.
Oh, you're only here for a day?
         We're here for the week.
Oh, you're only here for three days?
         We're here for ten days.
Oh, you're only here for two weeks?
         We're here for a month.
Oh, you're only here for six months?
         We're here for the year.

Didja see the spice plantations?
And how did you get there?
Did you go to the volcano?
Was the volcano active?

You rode horseback to the volcano? We hiked up.
You took a truck to the volcano?
We took a helicopter ride over the rim.
Have you been to the hot springs?
We hiked to the hot springs.

Have you seen the cave?
Did you go with a guide?
We went by ourselves.
We camped overnight inside the cave.

How many (endangered birds/animals/orchids) did you see?
Did you see their secret nesting grounds/mating area?
How many (charismatic megafauna) did you see?
Did you take pictures?
We brought our microscopic lightweight broadcast quality video camera.

We got a postcard of them mating but they're out of season now. All they do at this time of year is eat and sleep.
Did you see the natives/indians?
         Did you go to their village?
         Did you go by canoe/dogsled or land rover?
         It took us (two hours/three days/two weeks) to get to the native village.
         We saw the real native village, not the tourist one.
Posted by at