What is this?

QU'EST-CE QUE C'EST? ***WHAT IS THIS?***CHTO ETO?

Welcome to At the Ruins (by Shirley B. Trew), the generic phrasebook-cum-novel introduced by the dear Professor Emeritus Jacques Roundabout in the blog at-the-ruins.blogspot.com.

Here, the Conventional/Traditional novel form is used, just the way Charles Dickens's work (originally a 19th. c. blog of the era) is now packaged in fat books.

Read Professor Roundabout's Foreword, then plunge into the phrasebook novel. Uh, novel phrasebook.

Just read Post #1, then Post #2, and so on. At the bottom of each page, CLICK OLDER POSTS. Don't worry, you'll catch on eventually.

Contact me at sbtrew@gmail.com

P.S. THE FOREWORD SETS UP THE PREMISE; YA GOTTA READ IT.


FOREWORD, by Professor Jacques Roundabout


Often, people travel in pairs. One has common sense, the other speaks a little of the language. One is obsessed with maps, the other with native costumes. One is into photography, the other, shopping. One keeps an eye out for food, the other, ruins.

Here, finally, is the perfect travel phrasebook for both of them.

The problem with so many well-intentioned travelers' phrasebooks is that they're written in two languages, when in fact travelers most often find themselves juggling three or four at least as they seek stimulation and adventure around the world, and directions on how to find a bathroom.

But hardly anybody can handle three or four languages, and most Americans can't even handle two.

Besides, when the natives offer to sell you things, ask you questions, or even give you directions, they speak in their own language, with their own accents, and at normal speed. So even if your phrasebook has all the answers in it, everything will happen too fast for you to be able to translate and understand what they've said.

This first generic phrasebook skips over the frustration and gets right to the essence of your travel experience.

At long last, here is a traveler's phrasebook that translates all the phrases that you are likely to use, need, or hear into one language--good old American English. For the first time, you can finally grasp the essence of your travel experience.

Bon voyage! Oops--Good Trip!

J.R., Timbuktu

Wednesday, September 26, 2012


POST #41—THE FLIGHT OUT

Let's get to the airport very early.
Write USA in huge letters all over of your luggage.

Don't worry about customs. You can take anything out of this country. The problem is getting it into the US.

My wallet is a lot thinner without all those fifty-dollar travelers checks in it.
My luggage is a lot lighter without all that camera equipment.
Do you think they'll let me take these hats/vases on the plane?

Make sure you have enough bongoes for the taxi to the airport. I don't think they'll take pretzels or blitzers.

I think the taxi driver is upset that we didn't pay for a round trip.
Just grab your boxes and say thank you.
Our airline is the one over there with the huge line.
Is he from Customs?
Why is he wearing that funny hat?

Is that man a policeman/customs officer/soldier/priest/militia/sanitation worker?

He's pointing to something in your bag.
These are gifts for friends.
Say it's for you personal use.
Are you sure he's from Customs?

Is that man a policeman/soldier/priest/militia/airline pilot?
There's another line of people over there.
Maybe that's where we should be.
Does anyone here speak English?
Is this line coming or going?
Weren't we here first?
Why are those people cutting in line here?

Don't they stand in line here?
Only for firing squads.
You're in a great mood.
A new window is opening up.
Our line is closed.
I guess it's their lunch time.
Why are we always at the end of the line?
Everyone else in this line has tickets.

This is mine.
This belongs to me.
Tell him it's your luggage.
Weren't you carrying a backpack/briefcase/camera/purse?
Let's get some cheap liquor at the duty free shop.

Why are all those guys cruising back and forth in front of the duty free shop?
He's showing us something inside his coat.
What is it? What's he doing, anyway?
There's another one. He's holding his coat open, too.
Put your American money away.

He's showing us-- something that looks like an unwrapped chocolate bar.
I think we better get out of here.
How much does it cost to use the bathroom here?
We have two hours before the flight.

These airport gift shops are so tacky and expensive.
That's good because we spent our last bongoes on the taxi to the airport.
Oh, look. I can't believe it.
We have enough postcards.
Not like these. It's beautiful.
The Ruins.
Were we there?
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