What is this?

QU'EST-CE QUE C'EST? ***WHAT IS THIS?***CHTO ETO?

Welcome to At the Ruins (by Shirley B. Trew), the generic phrasebook-cum-novel introduced by the dear Professor Emeritus Jacques Roundabout in the blog at-the-ruins.blogspot.com.

Here, the Conventional/Traditional novel form is used, just the way Charles Dickens's work (originally a 19th. c. blog of the era) is now packaged in fat books.

Read Professor Roundabout's Foreword, then plunge into the phrasebook novel. Uh, novel phrasebook.

Just read Post #1, then Post #2, and so on. At the bottom of each page, CLICK OLDER POSTS. Don't worry, you'll catch on eventually.

Contact me at sbtrew@gmail.com

P.S. THE FOREWORD SETS UP THE PREMISE; YA GOTTA READ IT.


FOREWORD, by Professor Jacques Roundabout


Often, people travel in pairs. One has common sense, the other speaks a little of the language. One is obsessed with maps, the other with native costumes. One is into photography, the other, shopping. One keeps an eye out for food, the other, ruins.

Here, finally, is the perfect travel phrasebook for both of them.

The problem with so many well-intentioned travelers' phrasebooks is that they're written in two languages, when in fact travelers most often find themselves juggling three or four at least as they seek stimulation and adventure around the world, and directions on how to find a bathroom.

But hardly anybody can handle three or four languages, and most Americans can't even handle two.

Besides, when the natives offer to sell you things, ask you questions, or even give you directions, they speak in their own language, with their own accents, and at normal speed. So even if your phrasebook has all the answers in it, everything will happen too fast for you to be able to translate and understand what they've said.

This first generic phrasebook skips over the frustration and gets right to the essence of your travel experience.

At long last, here is a traveler's phrasebook that translates all the phrases that you are likely to use, need, or hear into one language--good old American English. For the first time, you can finally grasp the essence of your travel experience.

Bon voyage! Oops--Good Trip!

J.R., Timbuktu

Wednesday, September 26, 2012


POST #18—ON THE ROAD

I can't find "Caution School Zone" on the map.
It's probably too small to show up.

I can't find "Construction Danger" on the map either. Are you sure that's the name?
I'm telling you the map just isn't detailed enough.

"Reduce Speed" seems to be a pretty big town. It should be on the map, don't you think?
Did you see the name of this town?
Yeah, it was "Fix Flats."
Oh, I guess we're not at our stop yet.

Where are we now? Are we in (place)? When do we get to (place)?
I think he said in ten hours.
No, he said eight to ten hours.
No, I think he said we get there at ten minutes to eight.
No, I think the bus left at 8:10.
Where are we?
Excuse me, sir, can you tell me where we are, please?
Jesus saves. Do you want to buy this necklace?
I think the name of the town is "Stop Ahead."

No, "Stop Ahead" means "No Parking." The name of this town is "Long Distance."
Is there a cheap hotel in "Long Distance"?

Does "Long Distance" have a central railway station?
I think he said that the Hero of the War of Independence built telegraph lines so that the inland people could hear about victories on the coast.
Yeah, but I asked about the railway station.

Do you want me to ask him again, or ask somebody else? We could try for two out of three.
Why is he looking at us that way?
It's because the natives here aren't used to tourists who speak their language.

It seems that "Long Distance" isn't a very friendly town. Maybe we should go on to "Under Construction."