What is this?

QU'EST-CE QUE C'EST? ***WHAT IS THIS?***CHTO ETO?

Welcome to At the Ruins (by Shirley B. Trew), the generic phrasebook-cum-novel introduced by the dear Professor Emeritus Jacques Roundabout in the blog at-the-ruins.blogspot.com.

Here, the Conventional/Traditional novel form is used, just the way Charles Dickens's work (originally a 19th. c. blog of the era) is now packaged in fat books.

Read Professor Roundabout's Foreword, then plunge into the phrasebook novel. Uh, novel phrasebook.

Just read Post #1, then Post #2, and so on. At the bottom of each page, CLICK OLDER POSTS. Don't worry, you'll catch on eventually.

Contact me at sbtrew@gmail.com

P.S. THE FOREWORD SETS UP THE PREMISE; YA GOTTA READ IT.


FOREWORD, by Professor Jacques Roundabout


Often, people travel in pairs. One has common sense, the other speaks a little of the language. One is obsessed with maps, the other with native costumes. One is into photography, the other, shopping. One keeps an eye out for food, the other, ruins.

Here, finally, is the perfect travel phrasebook for both of them.

The problem with so many well-intentioned travelers' phrasebooks is that they're written in two languages, when in fact travelers most often find themselves juggling three or four at least as they seek stimulation and adventure around the world, and directions on how to find a bathroom.

But hardly anybody can handle three or four languages, and most Americans can't even handle two.

Besides, when the natives offer to sell you things, ask you questions, or even give you directions, they speak in their own language, with their own accents, and at normal speed. So even if your phrasebook has all the answers in it, everything will happen too fast for you to be able to translate and understand what they've said.

This first generic phrasebook skips over the frustration and gets right to the essence of your travel experience.

At long last, here is a traveler's phrasebook that translates all the phrases that you are likely to use, need, or hear into one language--good old American English. For the first time, you can finally grasp the essence of your travel experience.

Bon voyage! Oops--Good Trip!

J.R., Timbuktu

Wednesday, September 26, 2012


POST #4—FOOD 

I wonder if I could eat some of the fruit/soup/fish things/grasshoppers off the street without dying of some exotic disease or getting diarrhea.
What was that disease called? Blubber's disease?
I can't believe that 90 million Mexicans all have diarrhea.
I can't believe that 700 million Hindoos all have diarrhea.
I can't believe that one and a half billion Chinese all have diarrhea.
Or that they're all going to drop dead tomorrow morning.

Is there a menu in this restaurant?
What is the word for menu in (language)?
Do you know what any of these things are?
Can you understand what he is saying?
I think he said it tastes like chicken.
Is that his name or is that what we're eating?
Maybe it's the name of the restaurant.
Could we have some water please?
Can you please bring a glass of water?
Is there water here?
We would like some water with the meal.
I'd like a bottle of mineral water, please.
I can see the minerals and everything.
Well maybe we shouldn't drink it.
He doesn't care as long as we pay for it.
But I don't want to hurt his feelings.
It's probably ditch water.
Are you sure you're using the right phrasebook?
Ask for some salt.
Do you have a salt mine here?
I like to bring you Daily Special.
Could you bring us some salt, please?
Yes, Daily Special good good.
Do you think they understand us?
That's salt. There in the sugar bowl.
This tastes kind of fishy.
I'm not feeling so good.
That's what you ordered.
Ask him what's in it.
I can't understand what he's saying.
Please say it again.
Please say it again more slowly.
There must be some mistake.

I think I just put a cookie in my coffee. I thought it was some kind of natural raw sugar.
I didn't order that.
Oh yes she did.
Oh yes you did.
Can we see the menu again please?
There is a fly in my soup.
There is a worm in my (fruit).
There is a bug in my salad.
Is this a bug?
Is this a hair?
Is this a feather?
Is this a piece of fuzz?
Is this a kind of spice?
The bill, please.
I didn't order this.
What are all these extras?
The bread cost more than the meal?
I thought the plate cost two million bongoes.
I don't think he understood you.
Say it again.
Say it louder.
Wave your hands as you say it.
Why is he still standing there?
Never mind. Say thank you and let's leave.
Why is everybody looking at us?
Should I give him a pink one as a tip?
Is 100,000 bongoes plus two of these tin coins a good tip?
Was this restaurant listed in Part of the World for Cheapskates?
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