What is this?

QU'EST-CE QUE C'EST? ***WHAT IS THIS?***CHTO ETO?

Welcome to At the Ruins (by Shirley B. Trew), the generic phrasebook-cum-novel introduced by the dear Professor Emeritus Jacques Roundabout in the blog at-the-ruins.blogspot.com.

Here, the Conventional/Traditional novel form is used, just the way Charles Dickens's work (originally a 19th. c. blog of the era) is now packaged in fat books.

Read Professor Roundabout's Foreword, then plunge into the phrasebook novel. Uh, novel phrasebook.

Just read Post #1, then Post #2, and so on. At the bottom of each page, CLICK OLDER POSTS. Don't worry, you'll catch on eventually.

Contact me at sbtrew@gmail.com

P.S. THE FOREWORD SETS UP THE PREMISE; YA GOTTA READ IT.


FOREWORD, by Professor Jacques Roundabout


Often, people travel in pairs. One has common sense, the other speaks a little of the language. One is obsessed with maps, the other with native costumes. One is into photography, the other, shopping. One keeps an eye out for food, the other, ruins.

Here, finally, is the perfect travel phrasebook for both of them.

The problem with so many well-intentioned travelers' phrasebooks is that they're written in two languages, when in fact travelers most often find themselves juggling three or four at least as they seek stimulation and adventure around the world, and directions on how to find a bathroom.

But hardly anybody can handle three or four languages, and most Americans can't even handle two.

Besides, when the natives offer to sell you things, ask you questions, or even give you directions, they speak in their own language, with their own accents, and at normal speed. So even if your phrasebook has all the answers in it, everything will happen too fast for you to be able to translate and understand what they've said.

This first generic phrasebook skips over the frustration and gets right to the essence of your travel experience.

At long last, here is a traveler's phrasebook that translates all the phrases that you are likely to use, need, or hear into one language--good old American English. For the first time, you can finally grasp the essence of your travel experience.

Bon voyage! Oops--Good Trip!

J.R., Timbuktu

Wednesday, September 26, 2012


POST #5—SICK

It must have been the grasshoppers. I probably got some kind of protein overdose.
Is this rash from the lotion?
Is this rash from the heat?
Is this rash from the humidity?
Is this rash from the dryness?
Is this rash from the water?
Is this a rash or the beginnings of Blubber's disease?

Didn't the health guide say that a rash was a symptom of Bubba's disease?
Stop scratching.
Do you think this rash is an allergic reaction to that soap/lotion/blue stuff?
Are there poisonous plants around here?
Does your towel smell funny, too?

So, what were the symptoms of cholera/yellow fever/ebola virus/zingzing flu?
Uh, I think it was high fever, chills, bad headache, and violent diarrhea.
Yeah, and what else?
No, wait, maybe that was Bubba's disease.
How much did you pay for your malaria pills?
My insurance wouldn't cover them, either.
Have you seen any mosquitoes?
Me neither.
Maybe it's the wrong season.

I'm not feeling so good. Maybe we shouldn't have drunk water from that magic fountain.
Why don't you just try to sleep.
Sick.
I feel sick.
Help.
Help me please.
Please help me.
I'm not feeling so good.
How do I ask for a doggie bag?
How do you say "doggie bag" in (language).
My God, how far away from the hotel are we?
Where can you vomit around here?
Is there a bathroom nearby?
Why don't you duck behind that bush with the purple and orange flowers?
Ah, funny human.
Do you want to buy pretty shirt?
Is that man a policeman/security guard/militia/soldier/priest?
Can you tell me where there is a bathroom, please?

I'm sorry, I'm trying to be supportive. But I really want to see the museum and today is the free day.

Find the hotel.

I'm sorry, I'm trying to be supportive. But I really want to see the festival and today is the solstice.

Find the hotel.

That's OK, you can go see the rock paintings without me. I know you don't care if I die here all alone.

Find the hotel.
Notify the embassy now.
Notify the consulate now.
Send a copy to my lawyer.
Send a copy to my doctor.
Send a copy to my accountant.
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