What is this?

QU'EST-CE QUE C'EST? ***WHAT IS THIS?***CHTO ETO?

Welcome to At the Ruins (by Shirley B. Trew), the generic phrasebook-cum-novel introduced by the dear Professor Emeritus Jacques Roundabout in the blog at-the-ruins.blogspot.com.

Here, the Conventional/Traditional novel form is used, just the way Charles Dickens's work (originally a 19th. c. blog of the era) is now packaged in fat books.

Read Professor Roundabout's Foreword, then plunge into the phrasebook novel. Uh, novel phrasebook.

Just read Post #1, then Post #2, and so on. At the bottom of each page, CLICK OLDER POSTS. Don't worry, you'll catch on eventually.

Contact me at sbtrew@gmail.com

P.S. THE FOREWORD SETS UP THE PREMISE; YA GOTTA READ IT.


FOREWORD, by Professor Jacques Roundabout


Often, people travel in pairs. One has common sense, the other speaks a little of the language. One is obsessed with maps, the other with native costumes. One is into photography, the other, shopping. One keeps an eye out for food, the other, ruins.

Here, finally, is the perfect travel phrasebook for both of them.

The problem with so many well-intentioned travelers' phrasebooks is that they're written in two languages, when in fact travelers most often find themselves juggling three or four at least as they seek stimulation and adventure around the world, and directions on how to find a bathroom.

But hardly anybody can handle three or four languages, and most Americans can't even handle two.

Besides, when the natives offer to sell you things, ask you questions, or even give you directions, they speak in their own language, with their own accents, and at normal speed. So even if your phrasebook has all the answers in it, everything will happen too fast for you to be able to translate and understand what they've said.

This first generic phrasebook skips over the frustration and gets right to the essence of your travel experience.

At long last, here is a traveler's phrasebook that translates all the phrases that you are likely to use, need, or hear into one language--good old American English. For the first time, you can finally grasp the essence of your travel experience.

Bon voyage! Oops--Good Trip!

J.R., Timbuktu

Wednesday, September 26, 2012


POST #8—NEWSPAPER KIOSK

Look at all those newspapers.
There must be twenty different ones, all shapes and sizes.
Yeah, but all unfortunately written in (foreign language).
Maybe not, there might be one in English.
English, speak English, I give good tour guide.
Just ignore him.
Here comes another--let's move on.
Well, I think I want to buy a paper.
Well, do it, you're drawing a crowd.
Where are they all from?
Lots from here, but other cities, too.
Watch, he's going to buy a paper.
Be careful, I think he's going to pick your pocket.
We don' have this many papers where I live.
He doesn't know how to ask how much.
Do you think people really read them all?
Well, sales are brisk, even though you're blocking the way.
How do you say how much does this cost?
It's, how much does this cost, but why don't you just look at the front page?
Put your American money away.
Change good money here, best rates.
See, I told you he's going to buy a paper.
They all cost different amounts, how confusing.
From 60,000 to 80,000 bongoes.
He doesn't know which one to buy.
Which one should I buy?
Just get one that looks interesting, it doesn't matter.
He's going to buy the right-wing one.
I can't read very fast in (foreign language).
Well, then, get one with lots of pictures.
No, he's going to buy the shorter one.
You're not doing too well with the dictionary, that's a fact.
I think he'll buy the cheapest one.
I'll be able to take my time with the newspaper.
He has so many bongoes stuffing his pockets, they could charge a million and he'd hardly notice.
I think I want a short one, with lots of pictures, too.
He's going to take the one with sports on page one.
I think I'll take the one that covers sports on the first page. Give me some of your bongoes.
Do you think if I carry this they'll think I'm from here?
Why do they carry those huge ugly plastic bottles around?
All the Americans do it. I think it's so we'll know that they're Americans.
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